


Not On My Watch

by lyriumandbiotics



Category: Mass Effecf Trilogy, Mass Effect, Mass Effect 2 - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Past shenko, Pining, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-01 11:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4017688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyriumandbiotics/pseuds/lyriumandbiotics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shepard is extremely upset about the events on Horizon, and Garrus makes a questionable decision in order to try to protect her.</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard is extremely upset about the events on Horizon, and Garrus makes a questionable decision in order to try to protect her.

Shepard was lying on her bed, wearing a blue Alliance tank top and shorts. Her eyes were shut, and her hair fell in loose strands around her face. The blue-white glow of the fish tank was the only source of light in the room. Shepard was quiet, but Garrus could hear the way her breathing hitched and shuddered. He noticed the glistening of tears under her eyelids.

_How could he do this? How could he treat her this way?_

Garrus’s mind wandered back to the colony on Horizon. He remembered the way Shepard had smiled when she saw Kaidan; relief and happiness evident in her face. Then he thought about the malicious words Kaidan had spouted at her, and he felt angry all over again.

_You turned your back on everything we believed in…you betrayed the Alliance, you betrayed me._

It had been all Garrus could do not to shoot him right then and there. Kaidan had, supposedly, loved Shepard, so why would he talk to her like that? How could anyone say such cruel things to someone they cared for?

In front of the other crew, Shepard acted as if it didn’t bother her. She had been quiet during the debriefing, but she said she was just tired and was going to turn in early. Garrus knew her better than that, though. Something was wrong. He could tell by the way Shepard's shoulders slumped, and the way she chewed her fingernails. Garrus had come up to her cabin not long after to see if she was okay and found her lying in the dark, her whole body shuddering with suppressed tears. Shepard had glanced up at him when he walked in, but didn't say anything. Instead, she moved over so he had space to sit next to her on the bed. Garrus didn’t know what, if anything, he could say to relieve her pain. So, he sat next to her in silence and tried to pretend he didn't notice her crying.

Shepard’s terminal beeped twice, and the screen lit up to alert her of an incoming message. Garrus waited to see if she would get up, but she only crossed her arms over her eyes as if she was trying to block out the world. Garrus reached out his hand, meaning to Comfort her with a touch on her arm, but paused. He didn’t understand humans very well, and wasn't sure if touching would be welcome. So, he dropped his hand and turned around. Garrus didn’t mean to look, but as he turned around the blinking message caught his eye.

_New Message_

_From:     Kaidan Alenko_

_Subject:   About Horizon…_

Garrus glanced at Shepard again, but she still had not moved.

_What could he possibly have left to say?_

Was it more angry remarks about Shepard’s loyalties, personality, motives? Was it an apology? A confession of love? Garrus knew he shouldn’t, but he had to know. Slowly, so Shepard wouldn’t notice, he moved over to the terminal and opened the message.

_From: Kaidan Alenko_

_Subject:           About Horizon…_

_Shepard,_

_I’m sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I’d finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, just trying to let myself have a life again, you know?_

_Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don’t know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me…maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can’t just put that aside._

_But please be careful. I’ve watched too many people close to me die – on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I couldn’t bear it if I lost you again. If you’re still the woman I remember I know you’ll find a way to stop these  Collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself._

_When things settle down a little…maybe…I don’t know. Just take care._

-          _Kaidan_

Garrus read and re-read the message, anger bubbling up in his stomach, until the words blurred together.

_Is he serious?_

Kaidan attacked Shepard, called her a traitor and a liar, blamed her for the Collector attacks, and then sent her this?

_Does he think he’s the only one who felt guilty after the Normandy went down, the only one who grieved Shepard’s loss?_

_Is this what he considers an apology?_

Shepard already blamed herself for everything wrong in the galaxy; she already tried to fix everyone else’s problems while ignoring her own. She did not need this kind of stress in her life. Kaidan’s letter was, as humans say, bullshit. What was that bit about going out with a doctor on the Citadel? Spirits, why would he bring that up? It was as if he was trying to hurt her even more than he already had.

Garrus looked at Shepard. He could only see the bottom half of her face. Her lips were set in a tight line as she tried, but failed, to stop the stream of tears escaping her eyes. He turned back to the monitor and looked at the message again.

_Was he drunk when he wrote this?_

_It doesn’t matter. Give the message to Shepard._

Hell, if Shepard wanted to forgive Kaidan based on this pathetic excuse for an apology, it was none of his business. Garrus knew this, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to tell Shepard. If this was how Kaidan insisted on treating her, the only woman in the galaxy who was this generous and kind-hearted and brave…

_Kaidan doesn’t deserve her._

Garrus didn’t give it another thought before he extended his arm, clicked one button, and deleted the message. As far as Garrus was concerned, Kaidan would never have the chance to hurt Shepard like this again. 

_Not on my watch._


	2. Chapter 2

It took some time for Shepard’s tears to subside. Garrus sat perched beside her, uncomfortable and awkward on the side of her bed. After her breathing had returned to normal, Shepard opened her eyes and rolled onto her side to face him. Her eyes looked swollen, her face a pale white in the glow of the fish tank. Garrus didn’t know what to say. Turians could feel many of the same emotions as humans, but they didn’t express their grief through tears. Shepard was usually so strong that sometimes it was difficult to remember she could be hurt. Seeing Shepard this vulnerable broke his heart, but Garrus just didn’t know how to help her.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Garrus asked in a quiet voice.

“No.”

Garrus fought the urge to brush a strand of hair off her face, “Do you need me to get you anything?”

“No. I just want to go to sleep.”

Garrus nodded, “all right. Sleep sounds good. I’ll see you in the morning, then.” He moved to stand, but Shepard caught his arm.

“Stay,” she whispered.

_What?_

He cleared his throat several times, “You…you want me to stay?”

Shepard nodded, “only if you want to.”

_I can’t stay here while she sleeps. What does she expect me to do? Does she want me to sleep? Am I supposed to sit here, or lie down? What do I do with my arms?_

“Uh, sure, if you want, I’ll stay.”

Shepard gave him a thin smile, then without another word pulled the bed sheets over herself and gestured for him to do the same. Garrus’s heart thumped hard in his chest. He had never shared a bed with anyone before, let alone a human. Already he was worried about hurting her, his spurs and talons sharp enough to cut soft human skin to ribbons. But Shepard didn’t seem worried as he shuffled around and slid onto his back beside her. She moved close to him and nestled her head against his chest.

A sweet smell permeated his senses – something he couldn’t really place. It was her hair, he realized. It made his heart beat even harder. Shepard draped one arm around his middle, and Garrus couldn’t stop the low rumble that escaped his chest at the touch. It had been a long, long time since he’d been _with_ anyone, and he had not expected all this pink flesh and soft curves to be so enticing. It didn’t take long for Shepard to fall asleep; Garrus could tell by the way her breathing evened out.

He looked down at Shepard, who was draped over him like a blanket. Her hair, the colour of desert sand, had come loose around her face, and Garrus gingerly brushed a loose strand away from her eyes. Shepard stirred at his touch and mumbled something incoherent. Garrus pulled her close and felt the swell of her, what was the word? _Breasts_ against his chest. That feeling, the smell of her _shampoo_ , her warm body pressed against his, her hand resting on his chest, one leg draped over his – it was enough to make the plates between his legs loosen.

_She’s your Commander._

Garrus repeated these words to himself again and again, but it did nothing to quell the fire in his stomach. He tried to tell himself it was just because it had been a long time, and that it was left over grief from when he thought she was dead. Garrus did not have a crush on her. That would be ridiculous. This was Commander Shepard, saviour of the Citadel. Even if Garrus did have feelings for her (which he did not), what good would it do him? Shepard would never go for someone like him.

_Don’t do this to yourself, Vakarian._

Shepard mumbled something quietly in her sleep. Garrus closed his eyes and tried push all those thoughts far, far away. It was no use. No matter what Garrus tried, his mind kept wandering back to Shepard. He thought about what it would be like if he was her boyfriend and not Kaidan. He'd never have left the Normandy, and Garrus would've been there during the attack. Maybe he could've gotten Shepard to evacuate. Maybe, if he'd been there, Shepard wouldn't have died. Garrus sighed. There was no time to feel sorry for himself. No time to worry about the "what ifs". He couldn't change the past, he could only worry about the present. He squeezed Shepard a little tighter to him in order to assure himself she was actually there, alive. Garrus vowed he'd be there for her always. 

Most of the night was spent with Shepard tucked under Garrus’s arm, sometimes talking out loud to whoever was in her dreams. Garrus didn’t sleep at all, worried that he would hurt her if he allowed himself to drift off. Instead, he lay awake and listened to Shepard breathing, memorizing the patterns of freckles across her cheeks. His neck and back began to ache as the hours ticked by, but Garrus dared not move for fear of waking her up. After six long hours, Shepard’s eyes fluttered open.

She blinked at him as if she wasn’t sure who he was. Then, as her brain came online, she sat up. “Garrus?” she asked, her voice thick and raspy, “You stayed?”

_Damn. Was I not supposed to stay? Should I have left?_

“I, uh, ah, yeah. Sorry, if you wanted me to leave.”

Shepard rubbed her eyes with her knuckles and shook her head, “No, no. I didn’t. I just forgot you were here. How long was I out?”

Garrus had to suppress a groan as he sat up, “I’m not sure. A while.”

Shepard crawled out of bed and began getting dressed. Garrus stood up as well, but wasn’t sure if he should stay or leave. Shepard flitted around the room, collecting discarded articles of clothing from the floor and putting them on.

_Dammit, this is so awkward. What do I say?_

“Uh, Shepard, I-”

“Garrus-” Shepard started at the same time, “oh, sorry. Go ahead.”

“No, you first.”

Shepard smirked a little and closed the distance between them in three strides. She placed her hand on his waist and drew him closer. Garrus’s heart thumped. “I just wanted to say thank you,” her voice was quiet, as if she was afraid of being overheard, “for being there for me.”

“No need to thank me, Shepard,” he said, in the same quiet tone. Shepard placed one hand on the side of his face, the side that had been injured by the missile, and brushed her fingers along his jaw line. Garrus drew in a sharp breath.

“Did that hurt?” Shepard whispered, withdrawing her fingers.

It hadn’t, but Garrus didn’t want to reveal the actual reason behind his quickened breathing. “A little,” he lied.

Shepard gripped the front of his cowl and pulled him down so his face was level with hers. Then she leaned in and pressed her lips against the corner of his mouth. It was called a _kiss_ , if Garrus remembered correctly, a show of affection between humans. Shepard pulled back and her eyes, looking as round and bright as ever, met his. Garrus’s heart was beating so loud he was sure Shepard could hear it.

“Garrus, I -”

“Commander?” Joker’s voice interrupted whatever she had been about to say.

Shepard jumped at the sound and turned away from him, for which Garrus was thankful. He didn’t want Shepard to see how confused he was. “What, Joker?” she asked.

“Illusive Man is on the comm for you. Says it’s urgent.”

Shepard groaned, “okay, thanks. I’ll be right there.” She turned back to Garrus and gave him a bashful smile. Garrus was thankful turians couldn’t blush.

“So, I suppose I’ll see you later?” he asked, trying to keep his tone even.

“Yeah, later,” Shepard said, “meet me in the mess for lunch?”

Garrus nodded, “definitely.”


End file.
